This is the stuff of legend; the infamous Chuck Norris Action Jeans. It was in 1982 when this relic of awesomeness emerged in the world. And they retail for less than twenty dollars.
Chuck Norris Action Jeans were engineered to raze evildoer’s basecamp to the ground. They were designed to withstand heavy-duty all-weather and all-terrain one man army warfare. All while you were grinding your loins against every cocktail waitress and bored secretary you encountered. All while you were nestling infants oblivious to the surrounding loving and caring world. Buckle your belt and let Chuck Norris’s bull spirit guide you.
Developed to have a “unique hidden gusset” the jeans won’t ever bind your legs as you roundhouse-kick your way into a basecamp of heavy machine gun totting evildoers. They won’t rip on you, but they’ll surely rip another butt hole for those fully armed communist suckers.
Chuck Norris’ official signature stitched onto the ass pocket, this would be the last thing those evildoers saw. Right before your leg whipped around and kicked their head clean off their shoulders. At least that’s what I imagine wearing these pants was like. How awesome these jeans are, right?
Awesomeness doesn’t last forever though. Production discontinued. There would only be one more Chuck Norris Action Jeans ad produced, appearing in 1989. This final ad ran in Black Belt magazine until March of 1991 when the Norris empire was starting to crumble. Suddenly, there was no room in the world for Chuck Norris Action Jeans. Now, if only we could find a pair on internet.
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